Sick of holding all the weight T_T
im so sick and tired of having to take control of everything, so tired of being everyones shoulder and everyones steady rock, when nobody will be like that for me.
im fucking sick of puting on a smile for everyone so they wont get depressed by worring for me.
im sick of taking care of everyone and everything.
so sick of planning and thinking and worrying and apologizing and calculating and working so hard for everything.
im so sick of being angry.
im sick of being second best.
im so sick of being the girl you can fuck around with, but isnt good enough to be serious with.
im sick of there being a whole colony of people who talk behind my back.
im sick of people who are so sweet to my face but truly hate me.
im sick of people who cant speak their mind.
im sick of not speaking my mind when i want to and should..
im sick of people who get butthurt when im honest.
im sick of forcing myslef to be numb so i can think.
i just wanna stop trying to make everyones life better, stop trying to worry about how everyone else will feel, what everyone else will think, how it will effect everything else.
fuck even when i draw, or listen to music, i have to think, or worry about what someone would think or say if they heard or saw..
i just wanna lose total control of everything.
do something reckless and thoughtless and fun and spontanious and hardcore..
have a moment where someone else can take the reigns and just rip things out of control. where i dont have to think or worry or plan, just fucking FEEL..
just totally lose myself, forget about everything and everyone else for a moment and just completly let the fuck go of everything.