IM SCREAMING JUST KIll ME BUT IM NOT DEAD!
im on my knees every night praying to god. i scream 'please god help guide me so i can fix my broken world or just kill me now because im sick of this life im living now, i want out now!
im useless im nothing im pointless i cant save you i cant even save myself right now. i have 3 suicide kids 5 cutters and 7 people having a break down.i love you guys and your lifes are more important to me then my own will ever be, but plase give me a chance to save myself i have no boy to hold me and tell me ill be ok as he wipes away my tears and all of my friends are far far away so i have to fight this alone. i want someone to take my hand and tell me 'baby you'll get through this' but thats just a dream of mine.....
im sick of fighting with you people over something that should be between me and that guy. i love you guys but please back off your killing me, if you think what he did to me killed me think of how much it hurts to have my heart split in two. JUST STOP! your making me cry. im sorry im letting so many of you down by this blog.... god i wish i were the one that had to suffer and you could be ok. i love you but i wish this was all over.i need to change somethings in my life or i feel im going to die. so please stop fighting and to my suicide and cutters DONT stop talking to me i love you and i can get you through this just because im having problems dosnt mean im cutting you out of my life. call any time you need to talk you know im here for you.helping you makes me happy.
i want my old life back it all changed about a moth ago so i know i can do this and i have 4 of the best friends a girl could ask for in the world,and they all know who they are lol were always talking on the phone.
but im still waiting for that knight in shining armor to save me but lol but life isnt a fairytale, and as one of my guy friends tells me im not independent and i need to work on that but i say fuck you!!! because ive lived my whole life being alone and now i want to be loved and thats all i want, so you can kiss my ass! i might not be able to handle a break down on by myself but baby ill fight with you tell i die. im not gonna back down. sorry im just so pissed right now i hate when people underestimate me just because im different....
well welcome to my little break down maybe you can understand why im a fucking mess. but half of you are to blind to see the pain ive been going through but thats just because your not a true friend.
ive been stabbed in the back and in the heart so many times you think i would be dead. everyone says "o shes so pretty and she gets every guy she wants.... shes so lucky!" but i laugh at you for that because i hate this! i want to be loved for more then just my looks but no guy seems to see past my looks. ha thats one of the reasons i was a cutter when i was 15 i was sick of being prettyi wanted people to see how i felt inside of me.......WOW i better stop writing im telling to much. i love you guys more then you could ever know never forget that!