I KEEP HURTING THE ONES I LOVE

Wed, Apr 29, 2009 at 10:23 AM By: *Shaddix32*

so life is crazy right now and i feel like i just cant win and this time its not a matter of me feeling alone. i kinda feel like i have to much right now, and i used to be like that as a young teen i had a a fuck the world attitude and i loved it. but now im not alone and i im so worried about life right now that im pushing people away im not sure why.... they only want to help me but i am. and im sorry if i pushed you away its not you you have done nothing wrong, its just me, lol my ex used to call me his baby wolf just because i push myself away from my friends and family so i can fix myself and then i come back when my world seems to calm down, but right now my like is just questions and thats all that runs thru my mind is questions, and i have no answers... i dont think i will, i mean here is a little tast of what has been in my mind: who are my true friends?, what is love?,is my life where i want it? where will i go after there last weeks of high school?, and i guess the reason im so freaked out by talking to any guy is because in like 2 months from now i was supost to be getting married, and that fucking scars me to think i almost thru away my life that fast to a bad guy. so to the guys on here im sorry. if im not talking much, its just hard from me to handle right now. but give me a week or so, and ill be ok again, but ive been thinking about relapsing for like the last week really bad and i cant risk that so, please give me a chance to answer my questions, and if i dont reply to your phone calls or text or emails what ever we talk on, its not you. and dont forget that, my fear is to hurt the ones i live to im stupid and when i love someone i let them go insted of risking hurting them and yes i know that in the end im still hurting that person.....

  1. To raise the level....=) avatar

    On May 07, To raise the level....=) said:

    i think sambo say the true ....

    sometimes life is complicaded, because you can't controll everything....

    maybe it's the best to stop, let it roll, and wait what happen....

    i'm sad often when i remeber on things like my dead dog, who die to young, or when i remeber on my father who lives more than 1000 kilometers away from my littel place on earth....
    it's not easy for my, but i don't try to control it. it's just ....difficult....also i try to do the best, and do sometimes nothing...=)

    i hope you find your own place of peace in this littel world....good luck ...and maybe someday you finde someone to share your littel place of peace...:D

    omg..i hope my english was not to bad...:P...i hope you understand me...:)

  2. sixxersworld avatar

    On Apr 29, sixxersworld said:

    I think Sambo said it perfectly...sometimes we feel the need to control the things that we really have no control over and that drives us crazy. Then all these questions start popping up and it turns into this wicked cycle and you want to take away the pain but...the way you know how is the way you want to avoid. It's difficult...and it sucks. About pushing people away...I totally understand that and I've done the same thing. Sometimes you need to so you can find yourself and get yourself straight. And I believe Coby had mentioned something about 10% of life is what happens and 90% is how we react to it and I fully believe that! As hard as it is to not let shit bother you...you can not let it! Try and let people into your life to help you...you might be surprised with what comes out of it. I'm learning this very slowly...I pushed a lot of people out of my life and blaimed them for all my problems. Only recently have I come to realize that it was me...it was my fault for letting them get to me and you don't have to let them. I hope this rant helps...take care if yourself and I'm hear if you need someone to vent to!

  3. Sambo. avatar

    On Apr 29, Sambo. said:

    Hey. We don't talk, but I've been feeling the exact same way lately.
    All I can offer is, some of the shit that happens in life is shit that we can't control. The actions of other affect us more so than our own, sometimes, and it hurts. It makes you feel helpless, opens up a whole new world of possibilities, of questions, of what if's.. and it sucks. It really does. When you don't know what or who to turn to, when everything seems like it would be better if you could find ways to take away the pain, just for a little while.. all you have to do is remember that it's the little things. Everything bothers you only as much as you let it. Like I said, I don't know you, but you seem like a nice enough person, and I can tell you that you shouldn't let others bother you. If you feel like you're pushing them away, and they aren't trying to get back in, you don't deserve it. You deserve friends who will care for you and stand by you no matter what.

    So, get out there and be happy. I'm not the best person to be talking about happiness, but I hope that you can find peace of your own.

  4. *JadeTheOnlyOne777* avatar

    On Apr 29, *JadeTheOnlyOne777* said:

    oh mm lil sista!!!
    take time to fix al!
    try to find yourself!!
    every thing will be awesome!!!
    your young!!! =)
    you got all time of the world!!
    just think one time about you and keep yourself!!!
    well, maybe be you will grow on this!
    i think all this things got make you as stronger as you ever was!!!
    you will got it!
    -^_^-

    my lil dear!
    *1001 hugs*

    if you need anyone to talk i will be there for you!!!!!!!!!

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