A LODED GUN SOUNDS SO SWEET

Mon, May 4, 2009 at 11:46 AM By: *Shaddix32*

its funny how making life choices has you down on your knees praying for death. i dont see how people can handle this i know i cant, im sick on my tears and i miss my smile. i dont feel pretty when im depressed, i just cant win and if it wernt for the fact that people world wide look up to me i would quit the fight now. im not me right now. ive been fighting with my mom and brother over when i move out and what college i should go to and we all cant agree. people keep saying "your 18 you can do what ever you want" i smile and laugh every time im told that, i dont know what world you live in where just the age of 18 gives you this magical freedom but i want to move there lol.i feel like my dreams are right in front of my eyes but im on a ledge and if i reach out ill fall to my death. i know my point in life is so help kids from getting mexed up in the shit i did as a young teen i want to help cutters and suicide kids and drug addicts. im very good at helping those people i can relate well. i cant let my dream slip away im giving up everything i can so that i can have my dream and nothing will get in my way i dont care what i have to do. i droped friends who thought it was stupid to put myself i harms way to help others i left my boyfriend. ive stoped talking to some family members, im not normaly the kinda bitch that leaves the people she loves behind but ive been pushed around and treated like shit by those people so they had to go, people all ways tell me "you have to save yourself befor you can save others" but i couldnt under stand this because im willing to die right here right now for anyone who needs to be saved ive thought like this sence i was 13, and i still think like that, to me my life is nothing but a tool to save another life hehe when i started my dream i told myself never to get atached to anyone and im glad i didnt fallow that rule i set becasue ive met and saved some of the most kick ass people in the world and im glad there in my life. im not sure what im gonna do but all i know is that life is a bitch and im never gonna win, but ill die fighting ill pull myself up and get half way to my dreams, fall back down and get up again thats just my life well its the way it is for all of us black sheeps ^_^
like a great friend of mine told me "you think to much" i just need to stop the questions in my mind that dont have answers. but to those of you who dont know me, ill be fine i fall apart alot and ill be ok in time no worrys for me i tell this stuff not so that you feel sorry for me buit so that maybe you can understand me

*MONICA*

  1. *JadeTheOnlyOne777* avatar

    On May 05, *JadeTheOnlyOne777* said:

    Thousand Foot Krutch
    Wish You Well

    Sometimes love, feels like pain, and sometimes I wonder if it's all the same, sometimes life, feels just like rain, cause you never know, when it's gonna
    fall down on you

    I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself

    Sometimes faith, feels like doubt, and sometimes I wonder if we'll even get out, sometimes life hurts just like now, but ya gotta know, it's all gonna
    come back around

    I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself

    find yourself,
    I can't help you find yourself,
    find yourself..

    and we were sixteen at the time, nothing could ever change our minds, we were one step below invincible, and we always fought it, you've never been the
    same, you were so scared to make a name, then you threw it all away, and i wish you'd come back now.

    I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself, I wish you well,
    I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find you

    I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself

    find yourself,
    I can't help you find yourself,
    find yourself,
    I can't help you find yourself...

  2. *JadeTheOnlyOne777* avatar

    On May 05, *JadeTheOnlyOne777* said:

    oh hun!
    live is a bitch!
    but if you fight you could win and the live will be awesome!!
    you can really do every thing!!
    and no one could handle your live!!!
    thats could just yourself!!!!!!!!!

    little sista!
    I´m ever there if you need some one to talk!!!
    EVER!!!

    just fight!!
    fight just for yourself!!!
    for no boy!
    just for YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    you are almost important!!!!!!!

    OK????
    *1000 hugs*

    love you lil sista!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. vern93 avatar

    On May 04, vern93 said:

    ya you will make it to your dreams : ) i know u can do anything u set ur heart to and u have helped so many ppl i know u will be great at it. and u do think to much but so do i lol alot of us do and i know it sucks to have so many questions but no anwsers but i know u can do it and never give up : )

  4. Jacoby101 avatar

    On May 04, Jacoby101 said:

    You won't get half way to your dreams because you will go all the way sis, life is a bitch and it always throws something at you and the only thing you can do is keep fighting and show this world that you have what it takes to make it. Shove it in the face of others that are being assholes and liars, they don't deserve to know you, and I'll always be here to help you no matter what it takes. I know what you mean when you put others before yourself because I do the same thing. And its not always a bad things, it just means you care and want to keep others from making mistakes. You will make it, I'll be there to help you take the next step.

  5. Sammy! avatar

    On May 04, Sammy! said:

    I suppose I can't relate to any of this, but I hope I don't have to go through it. I also hope you get through it all :) goodluck!

  6. Fluffnation avatar

    On May 04, Fluffnation said:

    i dont want to sound like a prick but i understand wat ur goin through

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