Parents keep on pushing you down?
Look, Here's the deal!
My parents are divorced since I was 6 years old and so forth. The only thing is that I have my room and everything at my mom's place but my dad never throws shit at me for my music taste and my looks.
My mom had this issue that makes her incapable of understanding that I am not what she calls "normal".
She wants me to have long natural hair, she wants me to listen to crappy music and so forth.
I live for music and she have no idea that it was the thing that saved me from suicide when she was drinking. She just doesn't see me. All she sees appears to be wrongs carved all over me. When I can wear my clothes and listen to my music she somehow gives me strange looks and has been doing that since I was 13. I'm getting kind of pissed because every time I try to be nice and talk to her and her husband they bring up how "wrong" I am.
I HAVE FUCKING AWESOME GRADES AND YOU STILL COMPLAIN?!
I just don't get it. I have the grades you want me to have to why can't I feel that I can be myself around the place? Dad thinks that it's great that I dress like I want and that my grades are great. Even if I sleep on a couch at his place I still feel more secure about myself when I'm there. I wish that my mom could understand but I'm so afraid about telling her because a thing that happened last time I did.
I had been going to a sort of therapist for one year in the school without her knowing. I just needed someone who listened to what I felt about her drinking and dad chasing girls all the time. I knew that if I kept it inside I would burst and probably do even worse things that cutting one cut from time to time.
He thought I could trust the guy I talked to because he couldn't tell anyone about it. The only problem was that when I finally felt better he thought I was feeling worse. Then he did the stupid thing to call my melodramatic mother.
She cried about it and blamed me and herself and she was so pissed and I had to shout on the teacher I had trusted so much. He had betrayed me and all the faith I had gained for him the past year.
Since then she doesn't need to know. I am still alive and I do feel a lot better. I've stopped cutting and I have music to thank for because it kept me fighting and breathing. The fights at home have been going on since I was a kid and now it feels like it's coming to an end a little. At least I hope so.
Music saves lives all the time and P-roach, among some other bands, gave me strength to keep on standing up after getting kicked down and they gave me the strength to believe in a happy ending.
I'm so glad that I've made it this far. I will never give up. Not now when I've come so far.
I just needed to release some weight from my chest and here you have a part of me.
I am a girl who always smiles, jokes and is hyperactive all the time and I feel that I can do that now without feeling that my smile is fake.
Music is air that keeps my alive.