:'( That feeling when you realize you are destined to be alone in the world
I've always have had problems trusting people ever since 3rd grade. I never had a best friend, because, I was too selective, I couldn't trust anyone because of what had happened. A person would have to prove to me that he or she possessed certain qualities for me to deem someone trustworthy. Any person who met that criteria, would almost by default be my best friend... I've never had a best friend, because I have never found anyone I could trust.
Then came my friend, who I am gonna call cupcake because I don't want to say her name. It was a thing of chance. We began talking and I began feeling something for her that was new for me, something strong. At first I thought I was attracted to her, but in fact what I felt was that I could trust her, so I did. I promoted her to best friend status. It seemed to go well, but apparently she and I weren't speaking the same language. She wasn't sure of what she felt for me. We got into a few fights, idk what happened.
She said I was being distant. I said, I'm studying for finals. She said she's mad at me almost every week. I was oblivious to this. She said that it's not working out, our friendship, and that she'd like to take a break... indefinite break. After she hung up, I cried. I trusted her, I know that I'm a little fucked up in the head, by not trusting anyone, by being so closed in and reserved, but I trusted her, and she really meant a lot to me, our friendship meant too much to me. I just cried, and cried and cried. The bottle where I kept all my feelings burst, and I just can't control myself.
The first time I trust someone, it turns out, it was a mistake. Lesson learned, I was doing the right thing by trusting no one... So, why did I feel empty until I began trusting her? I'm a basket case right now, I can't take tomorrow's finals, I can't even think straight. I just wanna die right now. :'(