Last blog of the year!
So weirdly I haven’t had time to blog for a while. I love blogging and I can’t have had time to do so or I would have done. I thought 2009 was the best year of my life. For a start I left that horrible place they call sixth form where I never wanted to get up and start my day and that was the end of a horrible chapter in my life. No longer was I going to be bullied, treated like shit and have to face people I couldn’t stand to be around every day. Also I was so glad I didn’t have to suffer the A-level choices I unfortunately picked. Anyway, last year was the Papa Roach in April and October and of course I was introduced to a band called Dear Superstar and a year tomorrow was my first show seeing them with Nina, Laura and Brian! Hurraah! But it’s only got better since then!
Last year I got into University on a joint honors course-studying Media and Marketing but I didn’t start until this September. Starting Uni and actually enjoying the course, meeting new friends and feeling more independent has been one of the greatest times of my life. I’ve enjoyed the first term now it’s over and I love getting up each day and learning something new. I’ve had an exam I feel confident I’ve passed so fingers crossed I have. I’ve met some lovely friends at Uni and it’s great getting to know them as the course goes on. There are only 8 of us on my course and that’s the best way I think. The tutors are so supportive and encouraging too, which I never felt was the case at my highschool.
This year for me though has been one thing and one thing only: all about gigs and seeing live bands including Papa Roach on the Taste of Chaos tour yesterday, the day before and last week. I really enjoyed it and it was great seeing Buckcherry (Who I liked a few of their songs such as Crazy Bitch, All Night long etc… Disturbed who I really like and seeing Halestorm again who I saw with Theory of a Deadman and Heaven’s Basement earlier this year. This year I’ve also seen (probably way too much but I’m never complaining!) Dear Superstar following the guys around with the street team going to cities and some towns I’d never even heard of. They’re a great set of guys and it’s so much fun seeing them. Also seen Heaven’s Basement and the Fallen (who thanks to Johnny Fallen singing for HB on their Feburary/March tour I absolutely adore) in various places! Framing Hanley toured here, as did Avenged Sevenfold and Stone Sour who were great on their tour, not forgetting Bullet for my Valentine last week too who I thought were absolutely epic.
I’m going to devote a whole section of this blog to the one and only Linkin Park who I’ve seen a few times this year! Absolutely INCREDIBLE, MIND BLOWING EXPERIENCE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! There’s no band to me that quite matches their supreme brilliance live and unfortunately it’s made me realize how much I prefer them to my other favorite bands. Nothing quite gets my heart racing than the adrenaline and power of their shows. I know A Thousand Suns made me ball my eyes out because I honestly could not believe they’d ever change to a degree I can’t even recognize it’s them any more and I thought they’d lost the heart and soul of what made them so special and unique but I realized that all that is still there. I can’t wait to see them again at Download 2011 for another unforgettable experience.
With tours bands do it’s always a nice opportunity to meet new friends and people and those people who I’ve met know who they are! It’s been fantastic been with the Starmy (haha) and seeing my Linkin Park Underground family I’ve not seen for years again too. This year I’ve also got into Escape the Fate and I’ve not stopped listening to them all year to the point I probably prefer them now to Papa Roach… Sad but true! I guess I’m growing up finally!
Enough of the gig and band talk…
I got a new tattoo this year on my back basically a swallow done in a style which matches my previous tattoo. It represents to me a new chapter in my life and probably the biggest turning point for me this year. Anyone who knows me knows that I never knew my Dad’s family but this year (and I ain’t going into too many complicated details or dragging up the past) they’ve been a huge part of my life. I’m getting to know them more every week and it’s been so amazing for me to have a normal, happy family again and to know my relatives and heritage too. It’s overwhelming for me to have a (Dad’s dad) Granddad and I’ve realized I’m a lot like both him and my Grandma (my voice for one is the same Yorkshire accent my Grandma has). I know my (Mum’s dad) Granddad who died when I was three would always have wanted this for me, he still is the most special person and I’ll never forgive life for taking him away from me. My Granddad keeps tropical fish, he rears convicts and Oscars and this year I got my own tanks to do the same. It’s really bonded us as a family, for example, two of my Texas Cichlids (they don’t have names… yet..) have something up with their fins and my Granddad brought his hospital tank up to treat them in and we had a good chat and a catch up. It’s our first Christmas all together this year and I can’t wait.
There have been a few low points this year too because I believe in life the more good stuff that gets thrown your way the shit always finds a way to remind you not everything’s silver and gold. I won’t go too much into it but I lost my gorgeous oscars Hades, Dio and Dei this year. I’ve still got my three oscars now Ghost, Dem and Archie but it was absolutely heartbreaking watching them lose the fight with a disease we couldn’t get to the bottom of. I seriously thought I would loose them all but I’m so grateful I haven’t. I understand it’s the circle of life and fish do die randomly for no apparent reason all the time but it’s shitty when you get so attached to them as a family. (Google Oscars… they’re not like goldfish.. although I could probably cry over a goldfish I love animals so much!)
Another low point was and still is the situation I was unfortunately put in regarding a certain guy. I don’t like falling for people hence I never could come to terms with what went on but for someone to make me believe and told me they liked me and then rip my heart out in front of me wasn’t a very nice thing to do to any one especially with problems and low esteem like myself. Then when I got over it and felt like I could move on (because I CAN and I WILL! In time...) to have my mind fucked with once again even though I told myself never to fall for the games and the charm actually has hurt me more than I thought. He’ll never know of course unless he figures it out because I’m not selfish enough to ever want to annoy or upset him like he has me. He’ll get what he deserves one day and I know I’ll do far better with someone who won’t be doing what he did to me behind my back with another lass.
I’ve found out who my real friends are this year too. I went through a pretty rough patch in June with depression again. It was triggered by said situation amongst other, personal things such as not having a job but I know exactly whom I can trust and who loves and cares about me as much as I love and care about them. Those close friends of mine know exactly who they are and how much they mean to me and how grateful I am that they’ve stood by me thick and thin throughout the good times and the bad. I don’t need people who can’t accept I need a few weeks to get over (in the sense of just generally feeling even a small percentage better) an illness I’ve been battling for years *thanks bullies… for making me stronger and more resilient… * and to clear my head. When you’re depressed the last thing you want to do is go out and face the world but now I feel I can and I will. I feel I’m beating this problem slowly yet surely, of course I have setbacks and moments of complete and utter stupidity (who doesn’t) but with each battle over that’s one more success to winning the war.
However, this year has been the best year of my entire life. I’ve never felt as good as I feel today. Last gig on Friday in York, let’s rock this year out in style!