I Feel Like Dying....

Fri, Dec 30, 2011 at 11:22 PM By: little[R]oach93

I hate this feeling..... I didn't want to start anything, and honestly I didn't know that you would see. I didn't want to hurt everyone again. I was just stating my opinion on my own damn picture. I didn't put it as my status for everyone to see. I am so sorry. I don't like feeling like this. I don't like to hurt...... I know that it's my fault. And believe me when I say that I feel absolutely TERRIBLE about it :( but you don't understand my side of this story.... I wasn't trying to start drama, trust me. I hate drama. And I don't like people being mad at me and hating me. And I certainly don't like the fact that I hurt someone that bad..... But dammit I had to put my foot down and start being a little bitchy because there was no other way. I have always been put down my whole life and been treated like I was always in the wrong so I was always the one to apologize like crazy. And I'm doing it again...... But I'm the bitch for doing what I thought was best for me for once. I hardly ever do anything for myself. I don't like putting myself first because I personally don't like myself and don't want to seem self-centered. I wanted a change. I got the chance and I took it....... I hate this knot that's in the bottom of my stomach every time that I think about him or that night or read old messages between us..... I feel like shit because I re-live that night. And I know I hurt him really badly..... I really do understand that. But he is the one who couldn't handle it and move on like other people. He was weak and gave up. Not me. I didn't pull the trigger....... I'm tired of fighting. I just want to go back to being ignored. I have chose to forget about him and so far it has been working. Stupid me made another mistake..... And I'm paying for it, and I will for the rest of my life..... Does that make you feel better?? All his friends out there, I want you to imagine how I feel, having to go through life every damn day knowing that I pretty much killed someone..... So please stop with the stupid drama and really un-necessary name calling and such. It's honestly not helping anyone. And it hurts me more.... I didn't want to bring up these feelings again. Sorry.

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