I love my life even with these difficulties im going through now and then. I don't complain becouse every one struggles about something.I have friends and music,honestly these are things i wouldnt like to wake up in the morning knowing they don't exist in my life.They will never understand how much I love them,and what kind of feeling i get every time i hear from them,how that makes me happy. Truly happy. And music,isn't it simply amazing how,in whenever trouble you get,there's a song which can decribe everything you feel,but you just can't admit. It literally speaks your feelings. Speaks what you feel. And then you feel like you're not alone,like you're never going to be alone. I can't even count how many times music saved my life,or saved me from making the biggest mistakes in my life.
So what more,im afraid. Im afraid that this life is going to throw me at something I can't handle,something I cant deal with. Im so afraid of losing people I love,i lost so many people I loved. Im afraid of growing up,dealing with real life this time.I just am.
And you know what tears me apart? Memories. Those cruel reminders of how perfect life once we had,and how beautiful things used to be. And those people in your life,long walks and talks and moments you didn't want to let go of.How you'd give all your future to get back to those moments.But we wish for impossible. Right now im thinking of that one person. We know we all have the one,just one person who changed all the colours in our life,who brought us the purest emotions,brighter sky and made our life so much better. And we all remember losing that special one. Well now im thinking,and i'd kill for just one time to hear them whispering my name. Just one day with them,becouse that one day always felt like a lifetime i dont want to let go. It felt like heaven,a place i didnt want to leave. Walking away from all of it was the hardest thing I ever had to do,and still,when im thinking about the time,it's like im still there-in the safest and warmest eyes,which glow with the depth of universal love.Though it's clear that you pushed me away from your life,my heart won't seem to let you go even after many many months that separate us. I don't understand how could you let someone who was a part of you,so easily and without even giving the slighest effort to fight. But maybe that's the reason why I still care and hope.It's just the illusion of who i wish you would have been. And it kills me.
So i felt like i have to get this out of my chest,im such a mess. But anyway thank you for reading this.